Exclusive: More intercepted e-mail to the CFO!

[Martore, Burns]

To: G. Martore
FROM: C. Montgomery Burns
RE: Another excellent idea from a loyal employee

Let’s turn Christmas into a Gannett loyalty test. How? Offer Corporate staff three choices for a company-paid holiday gift:

Everyone who picks the endowed chair keeps their job — for now.

P.S.: After all you’ve sacrificed for this wonderful company, I am shocked — shocked! — that the Gannett Foundation refuses to pay for all the X-mas gifts you told me to buy for your family at Tysons Galleria mall. How in the name of double-digit profit margins is that “not investing in the future of the communities in which Gannett does business?” Is the mall not a Gannett community???!!!

Stop Burns now!
I’m trying to earn $6,000 quarterly, through advertising and voluntary subscriptions of $5 per reader. With just 23 days left in the current quarter, I’ve raised $3,947 — 66% of my goal. The breakdown:

  • Advertising: $1,142
  • Subscriptions: $2,805

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